foster children

Yes, it is an odd thing to mention and even now, more thoughts are seeking mention, but I will refrain so that I can maintain my purpose in writing this.

Last night, I heard a comment about why parents fostered their children. Many of the reasons sounded good to me. I have been trying to understand the nature of our true spiritual existence In relation to God, and if we are asked to call him father so that we may better understand our relationship to him or if we are literally sons and daughters, as we have been taught...an honorable mention goes to Oðinn for being named "all father". It makes me think of how God has always loved us and tried to help us understand according to our comprehension, and that is why their are so many religions and yet only one truth.... ok, ok, so what is on my mind is that children need to be raised in a stricter environment,  one where a parent will love, but not as much as an actual giver of life. A foster parent can allow hardships to happen that a loving parent may not. Isn't this a whole lot like living by faith, away from "Heaven".

The cool thing about being raised in this way is that new familial bond can be built, and one learns what is essential all the while not associating hardship with home and love, both of which the child has access to at anytime. Ok, ok. Alarm is nagging me to cut this short. Think about it a bit. I would get so plain but this will have to suffice.

memories

Though my kids are no longer in childhood, as I was reading a memory recorded about an ancestor on family search, it reminded me of a recurring dream I had and still recall, though, it was from even before school years, I think I was 3 years old and had not learned much that one might see obvious symbolism. It was pure undefiled innocent, thoughts if that is what the reader decides that is what it was, but if my kids ever read this, they should know this story because it may have implications or influence as to what I did or became. OK, the dream that happened many times:

It had just rained and I was with my family in a huge, very bright, grassy meadow and instead of flowers, the grass was littered with these huge life saver candies, and we each had a bucket and were gathering them, but the buckets had the exact same diameter size as the large candies, and each bucket could hold about 3 or 4, so no more than that ought to be put in the bucket, so, upon having the same dream, I figured out that one ought to wander around and be chooses about which ones I put in my bucket. At first I just was afraid that they would disappear and so I ran and grabbed the first ones I saw. Additionally, there was a big well-defined rainbow 🌈  at the edge of the visible horizon.

That's it. But, I remember it cause it happened probably every night for about a week.

Most important thing

 The absolute most important thing, is that you recognize your inner compass and then point it in the right direction.

Mary, you seem t be doing very well with this. You recognize that you will live forever and as such must cling to those things that never die and "Charity NEVER faileth..." After our lesson this morning, you gave to another something they had no way to obtain themselves and in turn to your surprise they did the same back. You asked if it is charity if you trade. we decided that it was and I was so glad to explain how families work that way. If you read this, remember how you felt. THAT is so important. that is pure love and if a thing causes that feeling it is worthy.

The whole reason I even thought to write any of this is because I was thinking seriously about the interview I would have regarding my stewardships to each of you. I always think of that around Christmastime. Mostly, it is to ease my mind regarding finding the right gifts. I wonder what is the most important thing to teach you? is it reflected in my example? I want to be proud of the way that I acted in response to you, and as such I feel it most important to explain something of extreme importance:

It is important to figure things out in your mind, but do not rely on your thoughts for the truth. It is a lot like the internet. A great resource, but for every way it helps it also hinders. I have personally seen many very intelligent, mentally, reason themselves out of comprehending the truth.

It is also important to feel things with other senses. But that also can fail, which is why like, our divinely inspired form of government, comprehending truth has a third testimony or witness. It resounds in my head how in a tv show  a guy said that they loved to deal with those who base their morality on Supernatural things, cause they can be manipulated. I figure Satan will surely use that technique in the latter-days to cause otherwise "elect" individuals to fail and cause so much bad with the intent to do good. 

So we need to have an intellectual testimony to back us up and rely on, but will still need another witness, which I have heard referred to as the "testimony of the hand", which brings us full-circle back to Charity. 

The hand Does...There is a wonderful talk about a statue of Christ surviving a calamity, but loosing it's hand. The indigenous people kept the statue explaining that they were his hands. I love that. It is through serving others that we develop a third witness. It is easy to understand in the practice principle of tithing. You can reasonably explain the significance of paying tithing. Check the first verification of the mind, then my parents provide the best example of the supernatural testimony. it sort of blows the mind typically, but they swear that somehow if you give to God you will have everything you need even if it numerically doesnot add up. then, the third way is the testimony you gain by doing a thing. Sometimes thinking might not work, believing could be used to trick you if you only believe blindly, but if you do a thing, you will know that it is true. It is like taking a leap of faith and learning truth by doing.

Ok, enough lecturing for now. I love you all!

love,

Mom

On the radio...

I heard an ad, typical, huh? But, I wanted to record the thought it caused and the following occurrence.

Summed up I thought: it truly amazes me how little my husband knows of me and my children and seems not to care one bit. He likes to consider himself knowing and uneeding to inquire. I'm, just thought all men hate to ask directions. Anyhow, men derive worth by providing, so we all carefully ask for assistance and try not to correct him or tell him how unnecessary his contribution was when truly it is, I sincerely doubt he even is aware of what a single one of us wants or needs at any given time. Grumble, grumble... Followed by more thoughts comparing the way he ought to be relied upon to how we rely on Heavenly FATHER and how a large part of His worth comes from his supplying our needs, which requires omniscience.

Then, my daughter bounded in to ask me to look at her photo, which she took a long time doing. It is a photo of "Mew" arranged in a family.  I looked questionly. Ummm - she interrupted to tell me that she has overlapping because she likes to touch me, and the diamonds show the sex of the creature.  Finally, I got to ask, why are there only three in this family? It seemed wrong, but I listened instead of lectured. She explained that she didn't know how to make a dark, "Mew 2". Besides, dad is never here and even when he is here he is not paying attention to anything.

Well, he thinks himself above that and that in all actuality he does not need to and still knows and understands everything. But, this is wrong. I could probably never inquire about things, but it demonstrates that I care. Asking is as much for the person asked as for learning anything. I do not even care to know about Minecraft skills or Roblox kills but I ask and listen. Even if one wanted to know, they could find out such information. Knowing alone matters very little, asking does.

Also, we are asked to pray, but Nick treats you like an idiot for needing assistance to the point that I would not ask him even if I needed help.

I put such reverie in this journal for the kids because I am very seriously considering that I am only legally married to Nick, and I no longer desire my eternal companion but have not be released from that vow, and maybe I should. But, we are taught not to cancel a sealing until we are to get sealed to someone else.

I am a bit afraid, but I hate the whole pretense. It is merely for the children that I continue and hope. Cause if one has forever, perfection in any definition seems obtainable.

It is like accomplishing any great feat. It is done through little ones. Nick refuses to move into a new home when this one is miserable. Reminds me of the situation with his car. Or anything in our home. Until, it effects him, he does nothing. Apparently, he has a testimony, though, or else he would simply divorce me. We are not in love, I remember thinking maybe I would tell him that I love him on our honeymoon, but I have this terrible propensity for truth and I couldn't do it. But, upon considering it I start to think myself incapable of love, but I do feel a lot of love for my children. I would die for them, seriously. It feels like it right now when I had to get up from resting (after running and cleaning the fridge and oven) and come to the bathroom with Joseph, and ends up he did need more toilet paper so luckily I was there.

Found a gray hair..

Oh my Heck!!!

I was always commenting on the things I did that if my parents knew they would have a cow! Only now I am realizing they did know and loved me enough to trust me to overcome dangerous things.

On the flip-side of that. My two babies are so completely different from eachother that while one is allowed a certain ammount of freedom the other does things that she knows is wrong and figures somehow, from trying to coerce into good choices, if she says sorry whatever she did is acceptable. Ok. I allowed this cause well Christianity, right?

In a class on obedience a peer said that when one is obedient they are like a dog who is allowed to run without a leash. And that metaphor sums up my two at home. One is leashless and allowed to grow, the other pretends and acts ready but the moment a leash is removed, she runs away, but till now is sure to return saying sorry.

More on Mary

I have heard it said that our children are a blessing to us. It is an not uncommon sentiment I had never taken literally, but my daughter Mary has given me a literal example many times over. The verychild I gave birth to and actually devoted my being to ends up goving ME sage advice quite often.

Here is a tiny little example:

Last night I was preoccupied/worried about the looming threat of snow as I fiddled with my hair in the mirror. I said I cannot make up my mind. I was thinking about what exactly I ought to plan to do about my minivan which could NOT stay parked on the street, but thinking this was a personal matter I quickly switched my comment's aim to my hair. I really did worry about letting my bangs grow out and now would be a time that I would cut them, and then lament having done so.
So, Mary said, "well, it seems to me like someone (meaning me)needs to go directly to bed. I really mean it, mom. Leave your hair alone and you will not need to wake up regretting you cut your hair. You would probably just pull it back anyhow to look like you didn't cut your bangs."
Then, I truly slept better and longer than I ever have and woke up glad I did not cut my hair.

Thoughts on Mary

Mary Anne is a very special child. Foremost is a child and like most her age she hatesto brush her hair and teeth, promises to keep her room clean everytime I clean it. This time she really will! She also procrastinates homework and after drilling it she always "forgets" to turn it in. Sometime there will be a consequence she cannot talkher way out of, until then.... She will play her sweet innocent girl card or something. She reacts well to prizes and loves toys and candy (maybe a bit more than is typical). But, what my mind dwells on right now is her strongest talent. She loves entirely!

As I thought about this natural inclination as most who know her at all have commented about her. I thought about her teacher at church in nursery. She is sooo incredibly sweet and kind. One time it was late at night and she had to work, but after work she stopped by to give Mary a gift! It was soooo thoughtful znd kind.

I learned something important. At training for my part-time work in head start we are often reminded the significance of a good start. This is accomplished by giving each child the love and attention as well as a quality education and nourishment they need. I see how it worked with Mary. It eas a natural trait as is true for all mankind. But, it was encouraged and magnified by her environment and teachers. She was and is a sponge just soaking up anything she is taught and so care must be given to present her with true and loving principles so that her person can magnify and be an example to help all others!

I recall a thing once said about the elasticity of the brain and it rang true by the statistics taught recently in a training session. Most of what a person learns they learn before the age of 8. From aboout 8 to 80 very little is taught. Hence they claim not tobe able to teach an old dog new tricks, or that is a child is trained a particular way they will return to it.

I believe The loving nature exhibited by Mary is directly resulted from such a trait being cultivated and encouraged at a young/formative age.

2stories come to mind.

1 was the first time we went to the Bountiful food pantry. She was sitting in the cart as I pushed it. And she said, " Mom, I really like the way you are so nice to all of my friends." Confused I asked who her friends were. She said allthe workers and soon they would be my friends, too. Then, a kind lady came and gave me something and as she left Mary said, " See? It pays to make friend with everyone." Also, another time we were sitting outside waiting in the cold and she saw a lady sitting on the steps doing paperwork. I put Mary down and instantly she ran to the lady, gave her ahug andsaid, "Please, do not be sad there are so many beautiful things around us." Then she came back and reported to methat I did not need to take care of that woman cause she already did. Plus, she wasn't actually sad or lonely she was just sitting by herself for a few moments to do paperwork.

Then, although many story need to be shared I am only going to tell this one. It was time for Mary to start Kindergarten and both she and her brother asked for priesthood blessings. So, we went to their grandfather's house. And it was noticable as the blessings were given that there was something notable about her grandfather's countenance as he prepared to bestow her blessing. I never asked about it, but it made a lasting impression on me. What? What was it about.He always seemed to dote more on Joseph. But, it was undeniable that Heavenly Father was pleased with Mary's desires, and she has always been  extremely blessed in her studies and friend making persuits.