Joseph - serious

I think there is something that distinguishes from other boys his age. I suspect something is not right, as I always have. Nick just brushes off his wild behavior as "You know how toddlers are." but, I do not think toddlers are all like him, or no one would ever have children. I endure it like all things and treasure the other times so much more. He has many qualities that make him a pure delight, but then there are partys of him that are sheer devilish. And whatever it is it effects his 2-yr old sister far worse. All along I have thought that this really is just the throes of parenthood, but none of my other children had such behavior and when we interact with other kids it always ends with him beating them up. I can tell by bewildered eyes that this is not typical behavior, and I have seen other children his age and they are not that way, so he has a behavior problem, doesn't that result from parenting? and is corrected by drugs. I, just as much as the most argumentative other would say, that is just how kids are stop expecting them to be adults, but I do not, they are adults in embryo, but right now the way it looks, they will be dangerous adults and no amount of good parenting is going top change that. This causes trouble for what I believe. I believe that I was given these specific children for a reason, and I am able to endure things that other mothers never would. I get hit, spit on, kicked, bit, jumped on etc. some of it is normal. But, I am handicapped, and though most do not notice it because I pretend so well, the point is I cannot do thing that everyone else can and I used to be able to do I even loved, like walk with good balance, and years later, with so much therapy, I still cannot, and the kids know and exploit my inabilities. Several times. others looking on, helped and it was so appreciated, but in my own home it is dismissed as you are not really disabled and they are just toddlers. I honestly do not know if I can bear it. I suppose that is the way life was intended and so I continue, but I want to note for future that I do not think this is how things are supposed to be.

Why fer?

It is difficult to say things plainly and nonchalantly when they are said in a public forum, and that is why I may sound a bit cryptic sometimes, all you need to know is that I love you dearly and always want what is,best for you. In a tv show a woman lied and her son could not believe it. She had done so under oath and then asked her son to do likewise. Her reason was family, her step son was in prison and required a false testimony to be free. Her husband had recently been killed and her son had moved out and she felt like she was loosing her family and was thus motivated. I have felt before as she portrayed, but I perhaps have been seen as not being as loyal to my family as I was to honesty, because it is hard but, when faced with a choice of obedience to a law that potentially harms my family, assuming that Law comes from God I will always pick it, though honorable mention goes to the family.

I am excitedly awaiting my call to the other children. I do trust that God will protect you 100% and all will be just if I know what it is I should do. I am so close to it. I want it and already that would be enough in some situations, but I have not yet reached the point where I act in any situation.