Of all of the voices I could have chosen to obey, I am glad that I heeded the one that whispered, "those kids,need you!" Most other choices were louder and more sensible. I even reasonably asked back, instead of obeying, "which kids?"
All I can say is that regardless of how good Brandall is, when important choices must be made, really important ones, he tends toward selfishness, and his choices in turn were a blessing and reminder to me. You are free of that, run! I ought not have his influence in my life until I am sufficiently strong enough not to follow his example and choose the wrong things. I can freely say that he has had choices every step of the way, and maybe he just needs some more parenting, because he could have been so happy and different, but taking the kids away from a loving mother twice has no excuse, twice, but I suppose I WAS under the delusion that he had changed and his actions create another plot entirely.
What I really intended, that Brandall junk was a diversion, was to show my gratitude for the things I learn by being here and trying to help my wee ones have a happy and complete, dare I hope for perfection?, life.
There have been millions of thoughts that came to me because I thought to wonder about how to be a better mother. Truely, serving others is the way to happiness and though other choices might offer an immediate happiness, those choices would be self serving and would eventually make,me less full. It is the ideas and knowledge that come from doing what is BEST that will stay with me and lead to eventual real happiness.
Thank you Joseph and Mary Anne, you have allowed,me to live the life I was intended to live, though at times painful, and far less glamorous, never the less it is right, and I am so glad and I will be a better person because of you.
