I used to think this was a detour

I apologized so often for thinking I was taking a huge unecessary detour, even Joseph told me that he was very afraid that I was not ever going to end up here,  and lately I had been regretting all of my recent life except the children. But, how could I have ever ended up not even part of my oldest daughter's life!!!! That is such a huge struggle to me now with Mary Anne, but for a moment about that. If the things I had to choose between were obvious and simple, It would not require such an age or development. So, choising to leave at such a point in my daughter's life is the hardest thing I must do, but maybe things will happen in a way that is better than any that I could plan out of I just obey, and do. I really truly feel this is what I should do and it feels so right. The biggest help in this all was a corrospondant friend, Lotus Rummler, who suggested I look for patterns in the times that I did what was right and I knew it. Duh! All has not been lost, but I kniw that running away and marrying Nick was wrong, and it would be so much easier to make everything right, but I would much rather go back and do over.

It was thinking about doing over that I realized that although this was not the way, I had reached a point necessary to reach in this life and I am so thankful that I do not need to sacrifice my child with a knife, cause I fear that I would fall short. But, I was able to learn things that I would never have learned elsewhere and do so much temple work that needed to be done. I still feel like so much more needs to be done which seems as futile as wiping a child's mouth clean while they are eating. But, I am still needed and cannot go until I am done.

Joseph is 8

That is pretty significant to him because he not only gets to decide to become a member of the church of Jesus Christ by being baptized, but he gets to have his sins washed away and he gets to be perfect for a while. The contemplation of having a perfect child in my care is a bit daunting, but it is regarding his nature that I wish to write about. The boy is amazing!! I adore him, hundreds of stories instantly come to mind whenever I want to describe his goodness. But, I choose one in particular right now.

It was a very bolstery wintry day, he got a ride to school because I was not even considering walking through that mess to get to school. I got a call from his school and he had an accident and was in the nurse's office waiting for me to bring dry clothes. I instantly without second thought rushed to the school making record time. As we were getting him dressed I noticed that hus sox were wet, too. I had not even considered that. I apologized but offered my sox, he wouldn't  hear of it. He was extremely  concerned instead about me having to walk home and keeping my feet dry.

It seems like such a little thing, but it was soo huge to me. Here was a little boy in serious need, but instead thinking of me. This is just one of his incredible attributes. I was very vety moved by his thoughtfulness and concern for others.

Often, people assume this compassionate nature was taught by me, but it was not.  Often, he thinks of kind things to do on his own. Once, when I was visit teaching a lady, he was at home and went with me. He said, "Mom, I really think she needs some brownies." What a good Idea. I can do that, so I did. Ended up the woman had been remodling her kitchen and was seriously craving brownies, and I just happened to have some in tote, which were too hot to present yet, but I gave them to her. She said how inspired I was, so I admitted actually my son told me that  I ought to make some to bring, although I did not even know the lady, yet. I could tell she thought I was merely being humble and redirecting praise, not so. It was his idea. It usually is.