Kids are hard

I think of my sister in law who said after her first pregnancy that she was going to take some time to get her body back. It is a nice idea.

I struggled to raise,my first "batch"of kids, only to have them taken from,me, and I started again. This is the point of it all: we forget entirely what pain we endured and long to do it again.

My sister-in-law instantly had another child. I figured she would. In institute today we discussed faith of Sarah, how she had a child when she was 90. And so many sisters giggled it off saying 90 years old was different back then, but in the throes of childrearing I worried more for the next few years than the strain of giving birth.

I felt too old for child birth as now I see the sense of the court not granting me the children. It is hard work, that I just do not have the strength for, on my own. But, it will pass.