Being Beautiful

This could be about any child as we well know each of our children are beautiful to various degrees, but this morning I wish to share a thought about princess Brooksie.

In short, I was upset that she does not recognize how beautiful she is and it has something to do with her peers having some standard which she likely exceeds anyway, but her beauty is not always manifest in the exact ways specified by pop culture, which are fleeting anyway. While, she remains above and beyond everyone else. I suspect those who see it might even be jealous, because above all else Brooksie is beauty personified!

People who have met my children have been amazed at all of them, but have commented specifically on how Brooksie has a certain.something about her. It is a divinely regal air. She will no doubt be worthy of a king. She can only get more and more beautiful as she matures, though it is not recognized by her yet, she is seeking worldly confirmation, which she will have, but by any real and lasting standards she is beyond any worldly description. The word light comes to mind. I love her so much!

Clarified

Well, you may have been made aware of a label of Classified, but this post is marked as clarified.

It might seem heartless, unmotherly, and incongruous with my previous assertions to have let my children leave without doing something more! And honestly, I agree it might appear that way, but my action is actually the product of months of careful pondering, and ultimately, I had to do something I did not agree with, but I heard a little story that put it well, and I wanted to do the same, so if my children ever wondered or found themselves in a similar situation they might have an example to look to.

When we truly begin to develop our own faith. We find a huge change or perception in the value of a thing. I want ultimately what is best for my children, and so I need to focus on what God asks not what the world teaches is the correct thing to do.

There is a beautiful scripture found in Joshua where he speaks these words:

Joshua 24:15

15 And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.


I grew up singing that a song with such lyrics "Choose you this day whom ye will serve, but as for me and my house, we will serve the lord." by Janice Kapp-Perry. It was the song associated with Choice and accountability.

Choosing the Lord seems easy enough on paper, but it is not, or is it? If we chose the Lord that means that we believe him and that if we really believe that he has the power to do what he claims, which I personally, have no reason to suspect otherwise, then we must believe that if we are obedient that it will be the wisest and best possible out come for our children.

I struggle with this because I do not see even possibly how allowing my family to be raised without me is better than being with me, but it is really a matter of faith to obey even if we cannot make sense of things. A lady in a book said that she struggled with low energy and needed to rely on the Lord for help. but by doing such she was prompted it was not what she would have considered the best use of her limited amount of energy. In fact, she was dismissing chores that seemed so important and her house appeared in disarray, and she was instead doing things that she really would have rather not done, but she said that she Always had the energy that she needed to do the things that she felt prompted to do.

So, those who might be unfamiliar or fuzzy on the notion of being "prompted" to do a thing. Just think of Prayer, you understand that concept right? Well, there is no person present like you mother or other person that you communicate with face to face, but you still freely speak to the air fully believing that you are heard. It is the same with learning to recognize answers, usually no one speaks to you and tells you exactly what to do, thought at times I would rather have drill Sergent say, "Do this!" because, it is easy to do something when another tells you because they become responsible. So, not only must I believe that it is better for my children, but I must believe that I even was told that. It requires a lot of faith.

Conductor

Though, I really hadn't recognized it before both Joseph and I are passionate about the same thing. We both want to be conductors.
Only he wants to direct trains and I want to direct music.

If we survive this!

Mary is driving me crazy with her attempts to be good. She tried to share her candy again with the fish! And she tries to make me eat food that she has chewed up when I refuse she says "Try it. You're gonna' like it!" Thanks Yo Gabba, gabba! yesterday a old man on the train said, "Oh they are so cute at this age, but just wait. They turn into monsters, but if you survive it, you find it was just a phase." And the dentist said that my kids were adorable, Yeah, sometimes. If I make it through the two's alive I will be happy. Mary is the most impossible child, she does things that make Lena and Brooksie look like Angels in comparison. But, she really means well, she is trying to do good, but it is her attempting things that she cannot do that causes so much trouble. I am not certain that she actually means well, or I just rationalize her antics as "sweet" cause she is an innocent kid, right, and all of her doings are my responsibility right now. I just needed to record that. She is feeding me chewed up pizza right now, for breakfast. I gave her fruitloops. guess I deserved it. She gave her treat of smarties to the fish and then when the fish obviously didn't want them, she tried to scoop them out and cried when I told her that the fish will not want to play with her any more. Lucky he still lives. I wonder how much of this that little buddy can endure. Yesterday she trie to clean the tank, and the day before she tried to feed it eye shadow.

Many choices

Of all of the voices I could have chosen to obey, I am glad that I heeded the one that whispered, "those kids,need you!" Most other choices were louder and more sensible. I even reasonably asked back, instead of obeying, "which kids?"

All I can say is that regardless of how good Brandall is, when important choices must be made, really important ones, he tends toward selfishness, and his choices in turn were a blessing and reminder to me. You are free of that, run! I ought not have his influence in my life until I am sufficiently strong enough not to follow his example and choose the wrong things. I can freely say that he has had choices every step of the way, and maybe he just needs some more parenting, because he could have been so happy and different, but taking the kids away from a loving mother twice has no excuse, twice, but I suppose I WAS under the delusion that he had changed and his actions create another plot entirely.

     What I really intended, that Brandall junk was a diversion, was to show my gratitude for the things I learn by being here and trying to help my wee ones have a happy and complete, dare I hope for perfection?, life.

     There have been millions of thoughts that came to me because I thought to wonder about how to be a better mother. Truely, serving others is the way to happiness and though other choices might offer an immediate happiness, those choices would be self serving and would eventually make,me less full. It is the ideas and knowledge that come from doing what is BEST that will stay with me and lead to eventual real happiness.

     Thank you Joseph and Mary Anne, you have allowed,me to live the life I was intended to live, though at times painful, and far less glamorous, never the less it is right, and I am so glad and I will be a better person because of you.

The nightly wisdom of a three year old

Joseph is very mad at me, he told me that he was going to kill his daddy. I got mad back and told him firmly that we do not kill anyone, but I said that about bugs and let Nick kill one. So, he reasonably doesn't believe me.

I told him that I was sorry that I got mad, and gave him a hug and told him that mommy loves everybody. He hugged me but then said, no you can't. You can't love bad guys because they have guns and will kill you, but first they will kill Mary and then me, and ydcou will be mad.

I am familiar with a similar situation and had a deeper respect for loving forgiveness.

I told him that I loved him so much that I would not let any bad guys kill him. It was my job to keep him safe, and if they got me, I couldn't do much, but, I would do whatever I could, and if it was the last thing I did at least he would remember that I did love everyone, even the bad guys. But, most of all I loved him.

He was getting very violent and mean, I tried everything and anything to try to change his disposition, but he started hitting Mary Anne, too. And I told him that we did not allow that. Or, at least I didn't and it really didn't look like there was use for me here, anyway so I said that I was going away, and I hugged them both and said I loved them and actually that calmed him down. It wasn't any trick, I was serious, he Hugged me and pulled as hard as he could on my sweater begging, "Please, do not Leave me, mommy." Ofcourse, I couldn't then.

He taught me many lessons, but the best was that I did have an effect though much less influencial, no obviously influencial. But, I was leaving an impression and when he grew up and had to choose who to serve I will have planted enough seeds to grow a fine garden, though not obvious yet, my teachings were true and finding a place in his heart.

Joseph and Bugs

I jotted this down to not forget to record this and the significant parallel to Stargate Atlantis.
All that was written was don't forget - bugs - Joe and Stargate Atlantis.

It was so cute to see the compassion after being so terrified, Joseph, Not Joe Flanigan, came screaming out of breath to tell me that there were big bugs outside. When I asked him what I should do, he said that he loved them and we should make then happy so they don't suck our blood.

Here is a clip I love: http://youtu.be/31mQruHW8Bg