Mary's challenge

1) some girl I saw at a camp when I was 12 and wanted to be like her, I have no idea what she looked like and that frankly didn't matter to me at the time.

2)my Mom - she has always amazed me at how perfectly she does everything. I had to conclude early on in life that I would never ever ever measure up so trying to would likely make me co standby dissatisfied.  I do recall a mother's day when all my classmates were arguing about their mom being the prettiest and I thought, hmm, my mom isn't even slightly pretty. I still don't think that she is pretty, but I do think she is one of the most incredible women o. The face of the Earth, and I know 100 percent that my dad thinks that she is extremely pretty. Come to think of it, I have never asked Nick if he thought I was pretty. But, a bishop once had an interview with the two of us and he kept saying, just look at her, she is so beautiful, don't you see it? And he would not even look at me.... so, I guess in the bigger picture, being pretty doesn't make that bogus of a difference if it even makes a difference at all.

3)I am struggling to find someone, I remember seeing Lisa Wrigley in the temple last year and thi n king that she was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. And I do not even remember what it was about her, I only remembered her husband bearing his testimony about her one Sunday and that as they were doing sealings in the temple he looked at her and could not believed how beautiful of a woman she was and he barely believed his fortune of being sealed to her, and I remembered that and had to look at her instantly to see. I remember at lunch somewhere, I was talking about it with a group of woman, and they all remembered it to and Lisa told how much it embarrassed her. So, when I saw her working in the temple last December maybe I remembered that subconsciously, cause she was surely the most beautiful woman I have ever seen with her white hair and white clothes, I mean wow! I don't think that was any worldly standard of beauty either. It stems from her being g such a good and loving person. 

Mary's challenge

Through doing this challenge of finding traits and people I admire, I am happier and .aking better choices and realizing that I have much less pressure to have things, which decreases my need to make money which in a cycle lowers the ammount of time I watch advertisements which are designed to make me believe I need what they are selling.

For basically ever mankind has lived without supplements and vitamins or any tool to manipulate out bodies towards a desired end.

I find that focusing on the end causes me to realize the proper method to reach this end and it is all self-produced, as part of the gift, batteries included!

1) My Heavenly parents

2) Jesus Christ

3) The Holy Spirit

I want to be like them, not some random internet star/influencer.

Mary's challenge

Mary has a great self-concept of herself and so, I have asked her to help me learn the lesson that I have been taught only I have not yet internalized. I want to stop comparing but more than that stop being upset at myself for not being what those around me see as ideal. It is like a swan being a really really ugly stupid duckling. Her challenge was to start small, when attending such a huge monumental task

 So, I am merely going to spend time each day listing at least 3 people or traits that I do admire and want to achieve, and could possibly accomplish. Simple enough. I pretty much realize that I am never going to be content if I weigh less anyway, hopefully, by listing out admirable people/traits I will forget my failures or let them fade into nothing.

Mary's Intuitive genius

This morning, I unexpectedly discovered yet again, how the things Mary thought up were sooooo incredibly genius.

I had asked her to give an opinion on a thing that I was trying to decide, that Although it truly didn't matter to me, I wondered what a brilliant mind, not my own, would come up with for an explanation.

My question was how she would explain a DNA result that was not inherited from either parent...from the results I had seen. I concluded instantly that it was like calling a rose by a different name and I actually had inherited from one of them, though, a matching chromosome had been named differently... but, Mary's explination was interesting: She explained that due to some trauma that I had experienced a gene had been dormant to my parents but had been triggered in me. Instantly, I wondered if I had even taught her about epigenetics yet, still she described it perfectly 👌 and then nonchalantly explained that all that DNA crap isn't her thing. She would give her opinion, but she did not want to be cited as saying anything conclusive. My DNA obsession was interesting, like Astrology, but ultimately it was turning supposition or flimsy ideas into a science or something. 

Ok, then I was trying to figure out where I got this from. And on a Chromosome painter tool. I was able to see exactly, which part of me was inherited from where. And it was pretty much my entire Chromosome 6 and it was almost a replica or exact copy of my father's,  but, Changing it back from Chromosome to words, ours had been labeled differently. I was more curious how such a thing would happen so I looked up Chromosome 6 and found this:

The 6th chromosome is primarily responsible for carrying the genes related to the immune system, particularly the major histocompatibility complex (MHC) region, which plays a crucial role in distinguishing between "self" and "foreign" cells, allowing the body to effectively fight off infections; essentially, it is a key component in the body's immune response mechanism. 

I had been hospitalized with a life-threatening infection of my central nervous system. And medical doctors whom I trusted, believed that I could not survive this and would die, or when I lived, they said but I would never recover or be able to walk again... so, it was explained as a miracle that I walk and live quite well. 

Ultimately,  my conclusion is that Mary was right in every bit of her hypothesis. It does not matter, understanding everything is just not obtainable and I would drive myself crazy trying to do such, so if I need to label some things as miracles so be it, and then continue on in faith until I actually know the thing. And until such time, I have Mary's opinions! 😀

you all are so intelligent

And as I was thinking about it, I remembered a time that Lucifer tries to get Jesus to rely on the power of his father to make things ok for him physically.  It was seen as a temptation and rebuked. But, I think something similar is going on with you all, cause I see it in my struggles. I use all of the time thinking and struggling to figure out how to mold my body they way I want when I could just ask Heavenly father, and that would seem wise,  but though I have no doubt he could do it. This is my body and I am supposed to be learning how to properly care for it. I just worry that it is becoming a stumbling block or obsession when I could be focusing on other things.

It comes back to that principle of intelligence where one is justly given that he deserves and if one deserved more it is because the achieved more. My blessing says that I was busy developing talents that I now possess, so I got to thinking, am I using my talents properly or burying them in the earth cause I don't have time to work on them right now cause I am working on stupid things like trying to be beautiful.

It is important to be beautiful, but what decides if something is beautiful?

So, to my children, I offer this bit of advice, focus on what matters. I know we are children of God, and as such, we need not struggle but, we totally can and should sometimes, but remember moderation!

I love you!

foster children

Yes, it is an odd thing to mention and even now, more thoughts are seeking mention, but I will refrain so that I can maintain my purpose in writing this.

Last night, I heard a comment about why parents fostered their children. Many of the reasons sounded good to me. I have been trying to understand the nature of our true spiritual existence In relation to God, and if we are asked to call him father so that we may better understand our relationship to him or if we are literally sons and daughters, as we have been taught...an honorable mention goes to Oðinn for being named "all father". It makes me think of how God has always loved us and tried to help us understand according to our comprehension, and that is why their are so many religions and yet only one truth.... ok, ok, so what is on my mind is that children need to be raised in a stricter environment,  one where a parent will love, but not as much as an actual giver of life. A foster parent can allow hardships to happen that a loving parent may not. Isn't this a whole lot like living by faith, away from "Heaven".

The cool thing about being raised in this way is that new familial bond can be built, and one learns what is essential all the while not associating hardship with home and love, both of which the child has access to at anytime. Ok, ok. Alarm is nagging me to cut this short. Think about it a bit. I would get so plain but this will have to suffice.

memories

Though my kids are no longer in childhood, as I was reading a memory recorded about an ancestor on family search, it reminded me of a recurring dream I had and still recall, though, it was from even before school years, I think I was 3 years old and had not learned much that one might see obvious symbolism. It was pure undefiled innocent, thoughts if that is what the reader decides that is what it was, but if my kids ever read this, they should know this story because it may have implications or influence as to what I did or became. OK, the dream that happened many times:

It had just rained and I was with my family in a huge, very bright, grassy meadow and instead of flowers, the grass was littered with these huge life saver candies, and we each had a bucket and were gathering them, but the buckets had the exact same diameter size as the large candies, and each bucket could hold about 3 or 4, so no more than that ought to be put in the bucket, so, upon having the same dream, I figured out that one ought to wander around and be chooses about which ones I put in my bucket. At first I just was afraid that they would disappear and so I ran and grabbed the first ones I saw. Additionally, there was a big well-defined rainbow 🌈  at the edge of the visible horizon.

That's it. But, I remember it cause it happened probably every night for about a week.