Potty training

There was a brilliant moment this evening where Joseph (taking a,bath) announced that he felt his pee coming and jumped out of the bath to use the toilet.

To me that is the key. Otherwise, potty training is like trying to teach others how to receive revelation. You will feel it, but feel what? I was so glad that Joseph knew!

A bit of advice

I doubt it will ever be asked so I will be proactive. Here it is for whenever you wonder: Do not ask what could happen. Thinking that you are above hardship or mishap. I thought it was a done deal being sealed properly in the temple and even discussed as much with Brandall. Maybe that was the trouble I let the idea even get it's foot in the door and get comfortable. Years later, it still hurts to have my dreams crushed.

Sarah Lena

She has taught me so many incredible things.

Yesterday, someone said this, "I wonder who learns more in the relationship, parents or children." How profound!

Anyway, I was reminded of this lesson because Joseph was watching Mickey Mouse and he was calling everyone friends, Joseph is developing his vocabulary and he has assigned the word friend to mean people in general. Which is somewhat true, and it is so cute to hear him refer to others as his friends. This reminded me of Lena who had a,best friend who had cousins their own age, too. So she referred to any playmate as a cousin. One day, at the park, she was playing with some other small children who were black and she brought them to me and introduced them as her cousins. I had visions of a "Desiree's Baby" scenario, and then explained what a cousin is. She said, "they are my cousins."

This morning It reminded me of the teachings of Jesus and how he asked very wise,men who their neighbor really was. I was caught up in teaching a vocabulary lesson while her lesson was much more profound, they were her cousins.

Mary's Banana

I just had a great lesson about Tithing. Like most of the lessons I pass on, they come by originally just doing my duties.

I was peeling a banana for Mary so that she could be like the neverland pirates and have a delicious snack. But, as I peeled it I took off a portion for myself. Initially, she was upset, but really it was not much and that way we could both enjoy it. She still had a huge portion most of which she would not eat anyway.

I learned a bit more about tithing through that act. Likewise God has abundance and gives things to us so that we can feel better, and then he just asks, not forces us to share a tiny portion with him, keeping the most for ourselves anyway.

From Mother with Love

Above all else I wish to exude seriousness. I tend to be silly or over the top, but I am completely sincere and frank now only I am still me.

If nothing else I say or do effects your perceptions, let this be the thing that you listen to and obey. I may have failed you in providing a proper example of family life and it is understandable if you disregard my words because of my actions, but I KNOW this one thing is significant: who we marry and where is utmost important to our eternal life. You will live forever, you may doubt many things that could bring me such grief and sorrow, but nothing will compare to the sorrow you will feel if you are unequally yoked.

My parents just happened upon happiness, but for you it is a choice. If anyone asks you why you have to get married in the temple when clearly it does not necessarily mean it will be eternal. Just look at the damage my example has caused you all. We had to spend years apart because I tried to build upon a shoddy foundation. Think of more than the immediate. Think of your life forever and what you want and need. It will be clear.
I assume that you want to have a strong eternal family, it really really does matter who you start it with.

I cannot even begin to number the times I wasted wondering how I could make a family work, and at times I believed it would work merely because of my will, but I have been nothing but frustrated over and over realizing that in this instance, my smarty pants solution was not do smart. Had wisdom been my source, I would have heeded the prophet's counsel to be with the right person, at the right time, in the right place. I was so arrogant to think I knew better and that anyone would do as long as they were a good Mormon like me, but that is not enough.

Your purpose is to find happiness, it was why this whole world was created afterall. You are on a path, merely the begining, that will bring you the greatest possible happiness if you Marry well. So, Marry well. That is all.

Joseph - serious

I think there is something that distinguishes from other boys his age. I suspect something is not right, as I always have. Nick just brushes off his wild behavior as "You know how toddlers are." but, I do not think toddlers are all like him, or no one would ever have children. I endure it like all things and treasure the other times so much more. He has many qualities that make him a pure delight, but then there are partys of him that are sheer devilish. And whatever it is it effects his 2-yr old sister far worse. All along I have thought that this really is just the throes of parenthood, but none of my other children had such behavior and when we interact with other kids it always ends with him beating them up. I can tell by bewildered eyes that this is not typical behavior, and I have seen other children his age and they are not that way, so he has a behavior problem, doesn't that result from parenting? and is corrected by drugs. I, just as much as the most argumentative other would say, that is just how kids are stop expecting them to be adults, but I do not, they are adults in embryo, but right now the way it looks, they will be dangerous adults and no amount of good parenting is going top change that. This causes trouble for what I believe. I believe that I was given these specific children for a reason, and I am able to endure things that other mothers never would. I get hit, spit on, kicked, bit, jumped on etc. some of it is normal. But, I am handicapped, and though most do not notice it because I pretend so well, the point is I cannot do thing that everyone else can and I used to be able to do I even loved, like walk with good balance, and years later, with so much therapy, I still cannot, and the kids know and exploit my inabilities. Several times. others looking on, helped and it was so appreciated, but in my own home it is dismissed as you are not really disabled and they are just toddlers. I honestly do not know if I can bear it. I suppose that is the way life was intended and so I continue, but I want to note for future that I do not think this is how things are supposed to be.

Why fer?

It is difficult to say things plainly and nonchalantly when they are said in a public forum, and that is why I may sound a bit cryptic sometimes, all you need to know is that I love you dearly and always want what is,best for you. In a tv show a woman lied and her son could not believe it. She had done so under oath and then asked her son to do likewise. Her reason was family, her step son was in prison and required a false testimony to be free. Her husband had recently been killed and her son had moved out and she felt like she was loosing her family and was thus motivated. I have felt before as she portrayed, but I perhaps have been seen as not being as loyal to my family as I was to honesty, because it is hard but, when faced with a choice of obedience to a law that potentially harms my family, assuming that Law comes from God I will always pick it, though honorable mention goes to the family.

I am excitedly awaiting my call to the other children. I do trust that God will protect you 100% and all will be just if I know what it is I should do. I am so close to it. I want it and already that would be enough in some situations, but I have not yet reached the point where I act in any situation.